Have faith, have fun and have a full life for yourself

Over the last few months I have gone through a number of trials that seemed to really send my life off course and could have thrown me into a detrimental panic while spurring hours upon hours of needless worry. The short version: I quit my full-time, secure job with medical benefits and 401K for a life of fitness. I had a job lined up at a major gym, I was signed up for a certification to launch my career, and I was hired at a restaurant right up the street from my house to help me pay the bills while I transitioned my life into something I would enjoy. I had a plan, things were set, and I was really excited for my new life that I felt I was building myself.

Well, turns out I hated that restaurant and went through 2 more before I found one that I enjoyed (although it didn't make me the amount of money I wanted and I had to work 13 hour days just to pay the bills). Then I found out that restaurant was closing for renovations, and in another month I would once again be out of a job. Then, over Thanksgiving break with my family, I injured my knee and could not put any weight on it for two weeks which meant I couldn't work for most of the vital last month of the restaurant. It also meant I had to miss my certification class and put my new found career on hold. I was out of money, and out of medical benefits so I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my knee in the first place.

At other times in my life I would have used these events as an excuse to freak-the-hell-out. I would have cried, and worried, and probably had a panic attack or two, as high stress times usually give me as a terrifying present. But this time it was different; I was different. I decided to use this time, for reflection and reevaluation, and faith.

I used this time to regroup after the year I spent, miserable and stressed out at a job that I hated. I used it to really think about what I would like to do with my life, and would fitness fulfill everything I wanted? I relaxed, chatted with friends, and I believed that what was happening was for a reason. I trusted that life was giving me what I needed, even if it wasn't what I had planned for. It, of course, was very difficult some days. Many of my friends had different views of how I should be handling my situation, and most people in general do not understand my approach to life (including my very sensible and scientific father.) However, this is what happened:

I found a clinic right up the street who gave me free medical service and I was able to find out that there was nothing physically wrong with my knee and that I didn't need the surgery I was afraid of. My restaurant offered me a position at it's sister restaurant, which turned out to be my dream job! This new place requires me to work much less for about the same money, is easier on my knee and anxiety level, and allows me plenty of free time. My mother happened to be living with me at the time and had an influx of money so that she was able to help out with the rent and bills, instead of relying on me to make the bread for the household. Last but not least, the reflection period allowed me to reach the life changing decisions I discussed in yesterday's blog - I overhauled my life to be the person I wanted to be. I decided I finally wanted to go after writing as a career, because I was no longer doubtful of my skills and abilities to make money at doing something I loved. I realized that I never wanted to give in to fear as a reason not to follow my dreams. So, with my new schedule allowing me plenty of time and just enough money to get by, I embarked on beginning a career of working for myself and doing what I enjoy.

I look back now at the last few months of uncertainty and I can clearly see the path that I took to get here. I trusted in what was happening. I allowed the events to unfold without force. I didn't try to decide my own future, but in effect I was lead to make that decision for myself and not for money, or security, or because it made sense to other people. I don't believe I ever could have come to my life as it is now on my own, but I am so thankful that I allowed myself to trust and to grow as it was meant to happen. Now I believe I am the healthiest I have ever been, not because I'm working out more than ever (I'm not), or I have the flattest abs (I don't), or because my diet is perfect (it's certainly not); but because I am open to all possibilities. I feel a sense of calmness in my days and strength within myself, and I absolutely love what I am doing.