Well, today marks my one month anniversary of resisting the lure of alcohol. I am filled with a sense of pride and strength, and I am confident that I can continue to practice moderation when it comes to alcoholic beverages because I now know that they are more hype then anything else.
However, in my month of practicing sobriety I have discovered that willpower truly is not a renewable resource and it seems we only have a limited amount to draw from. Since the New Year I have made many changes in my life, changes that I assumed were fairly concrete because I loved the differences in my life and therefore wished to continue my new practices. Here is a quick list of the restrictions and "rules" I gave myself in everyday life before deciding to restrict alcohol:
Eat only 1,300 calories a day
Do not eat any sweets at my restaurant job (a difficulty because of the bite sized delicious cookies we have on hand at all times)
Do not drink diet coke
Do not watch TV during the day
Work out every non work day of the week
Since giving up alcohol, every single one of these wishes for myself has become unraveled. I even smoked a few times - a practice I haven't felt the urge to revisit in quite some time. It seems that resisting the draw of alcohol has sapped my willpower dry and I no longer had the strength to resist the other treats I wanted in my life, or the drive to get to the gym.
When an alcoholic enters AA they are encouraged to continue to smoke if they do so already. They are instructed to keep their lives as simple as possible -not to change jobs or start a new relationship or try to foster new friendships in the first year of sobriety, and I can now understand why. I do not consider myself an alcoholic and yet it still took a lot of work and constant commitment to quit drinking for one month. And I did have to sacrifice my other commitments to myself during that month, a turn of events I did not expect or want.
However, I had decided that giving up alcohol was my priority, and I allowed myself the lapse of other commitments in order to ensure the completion of my month long sobriety. Now, I accept my slip ups and it is time to get back on track and find the balance between all of my self improvement goals. I do not wish to simply jump back in to drinking wine a few nights a week or requiring an alcoholic beverage in order to make an event feel special, but it is no longer a commitment which must require all of my willpower. Hopefully I can now enjoy the sweet-free work nights as I did at the start of the New Year and get back to my productive, healthy days - all while enjoying a sip of wine every once in a while.
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